Are you also someone who cannot say “no” to anyone? And this people-pleasing trait is harming your mental health and making you feel stressed, tired, burned out, and there is some feeling of rage for yourself? I can totally understand what you might be feeling right now.

Hello, I am Aishwarya Tharoor, a clinical psychologist, and in this blog, I will talk about the role of boundaries in maintaining happy and peaceful relationships with everyone. Let’s learn how to say “no” and uphold the boundaries that will help you make peace with yourself and others.

Understanding Boundaries:

First, let’s define boundaries. Boundaries are invisible lines that define limits and expectations. They are not walls that keep people out, but they are guidelines for how you want to be treated. We often overlook the importance of boundaries and go out of the way for our friends, partners, colleagues, etc. But we need to tell people politely what is okay and what is not. People pleasers struggle to say “no” because they worry about hurting others, which makes things difficult for them.

Types of Boundaries:

There are different types of boundaries that you need to be aware of. Let’s talk about some:

• Physical boundaries: These boundaries define your personal space and physical limits. These include your comfort with physical contact, the amount of space you need around you, and what you consider acceptable contact.

• Emotional boundaries: Setting emotional boundaries is a way to safeguard your emotional health and sentiments. Limits are imposed on the amount of emotional energy you devote to other people, the kinds of feelings you share, and the circumstances and people you share them with.

• Mental boundaries: These boundaries involve the safeguarding of your ideas, thoughts, and mental areas. It’s about protecting your mental space and refusing to let other people influence or impose their will on your ideas and opinions. Also, limiting the amount of information you give or get from others is another aspect of it.

• Material boundaries: Your personal belongings and possessions are considered your material boundaries. They ascertain what you would like to keep private and what you feel comfortable lending or discussing. 

• Time boundaries: Setting restrictions on your time and how you spend it is known as time boundaries. They consist of your work time, your personal time, and how you manage the two. Setting limits and practicing good time management can help you avoid burnout and keep a healthy work-life balance.

• Social boundaries: Your interactions with people in a social setting are controlled by social limits. They assist in defining your social engagement level and the kinds of get-togethers and activities you are comfortable attending.

• Private boundaries: Privacy boundaries are about maintaining your personal privacy and confidentiality. This includes your comfort level with sharing personal information, online privacy settings, and keeping certain aspects of your life private.

• Family boundaries: These boundaries assist in defining duties, obligations, and interpersonal connections within a family. It also helps in setting the limits of expectations for the family and can aid in averting confrontations.

Role of Having Boundaries in Maintaining Healthy Relationships

There is a huge role of having boundaries in maintaining healthy relationships in our lives. Let’s discuss these roles:

1. Maintain Respect and Individuality:

With boundaries, you can maintain respect and individuality as people will acknowledge your perspective and give you a safe space. Let’s understand this with an example, Jasmine and Jazz are in a romantic relationship, and Jasmine likes to spend time alone, while Jazz loves to spend time with friends and family. The solution for this is that Jazz doesn’t force Jasmine to spend time with his friends and that she can have her alone time at home, so that they respect each other’s boundaries and understand that Jasmine needs some time alone to recharge.

2. Facilitates Communicating Clearly:

Setting boundaries will help you promote open and honest communication. It will provide a framework for discussion of concerns, needs, expectations, etc. For example, if your co-worker asks you to work on his project, and you have a tight deadline for your task, clear and open communication will help you in this situation. You can clearly and politely say that you cannot help him right now as you are working on an urgent project for which you have to report to your boss. Then your coworker can understand your situation.

3. Effective Conflict Resolution:

Boundaries help in resolving a conflict constructively. The establishment of boundaries allows disagreements to be discussed without fear of judgment or retaliation. As a result, it is easier to find solutions and maintain a healthy relationship. For example, John and Kate are roommates, and one day they have some disagreement over sharing the kitchen utensils. Now, this potential conflict can strain their relationship, and the only solution for this is to discuss and set boundaries over the shared utensils.

4. Helps in Emotional Well-Being and Promotes Personal Growth:

By setting your boundaries, you can protect your emotional well-being. It will prevent emotional exhaustion, codependency, and feelings of being overwhelmed by others’ demands. When you define what you’re comfortable with, you create a space for self-care and emotional well-being. This will help people grow because it will allow them to explore their own interests, goals, and self-discovery without feeling restricted. For example, if your friends keep asking you for your help and support, despite knowing that you are also struggling, it can result in stress and emotional exhaustion. In this case, maintaining less contact with those friends for some time will help you emotionally.

5. Builds Trust:

Maintaining boundaries helps in building trust in your relationships, whether professional, romantic, blood relations, etc. Trust is a fundamental base for any kind of relationship, as it provides a sense of security. For example, Zia and Anna are close friends, but Zia noticed that Anna has been sharing some of their personal conversations with the other friends, which led her to distrust Anna. But instead of choosing silence, she takes a stand for herself, discusses this issue clearly with Anna, and sets the boundaries of not sharing personal information with others unless stated otherwise.

So, boundaries have a really important role in our lives.

Conclusion:

Whether it’s with friends, family, romantic partners, or colleagues, boundaries are essential for maintaining happiness and harmony in various types of relationships. They provide a framework for respect, individuality, and personal growth while preventing conflicts and misunderstandings. By establishing and respecting these boundaries, we can build strong, lasting, and fulfilling relationships in all areas of our lives. For more helpful information, follow me on my Instagram and YouTube, and explore my blogs for expert advice.